So a new theatre project has come my way, or rather, shoved into my lap to test my mettle, or hopefully on the basis that Lughnacy will be the right home for it. It might be something small, it might be something huge, it might start small and turn into something epic, either way it’s a got oodles of possibility.
It contains all the elements I can really get excited about, so of course, within 30 minutes of jotting ideas and putting plans onto paper I’m already thinking it’s too much for me; way too ambitious, too brazen. After all, who am I? Some wannabe producer, a writer with notions*. Who do I think I am trying to run an event or even trying to engage other professionals so early in the game?
And it’s that voice, that naysayer in my ear, that fires me on, because I know other women are fighting the same internal battle, the one between themselves and their stifled ambitions. Like bossy and catty, ambitious is a word that’s somehow got negative connotation when applied to women, but mostly, IMHO, by women themselves.
So, yeah, I’m going to put on event. This is my declaration – putting it out there into the public domain – no take-backsies. And it will be all about defying that anti-ambition, that shy and polite inclination to take the back seat, and that fear of foolishness that we carry around like an over-packed shopping bag, weighing us down and getting in the way.
I’ll hopefully be less vague about it in future too, when details are a little less scribbled on paper.
* Notions, is one of those great words that means something else in Ireland, like grand, bold, and press. It’s about having an inflated sense of ones own importance but you can always hear the italics in how it’s said.